i’m ’bout to just recap this year NOW – just to get it out of the way.

i always thought that 2012 was gonna be a great year for me; across the board.

it turns out that it was a tumultuous year – one full of losses…more losses than gains.

personal losses…societal losses…i could go on and on.

when i look back on this year, i don’t have much to say about it.

i feel like i’ve learned a lot about LIFE this year; but it’s shit that i DIDN’T want to learn…shit that is more sad than happy.

if this year is any indicator of 2013, then that’s NO GOOD.

i need some motivation…a beacon of light.

there’s WAY TOO MUCH fake shit everywhere…

being ‘real’ used to be RESPECTED…used to be CHERISHED…used to be REWARDED –


being real will BACKFIRE on you – because your surrounded by FRAUDS.

i’m still trying to figure out what all this shit’s about after it’s said and done – i can’t seem to make ANY fucking sense out of it…the world just keeps turning…REGARDLESS of who you think you are, what you have, where you live, and / or what your goals and dreams are.

i don’t know what the future holds – but i really FUKCING wonder if there’s any such thing as WINNING?

it seems that all of our accomplishments in life are TEMPORARY – then forgotten.

you’re ‘the man’ one minute – the next minute, you’re an afterthought.

i swear – life is like a game of musical chairs – sometimes you’re in a good chair; other times you’re in a bad chair – but after your clock runs out, there’s always gonna be someone else to take your spot – and it’ll seem like you were never even in the game at all – – – except to a few friends and family members – they’ll ‘remember’ you – but NONE of them will carry on you LEGACY – – – what are friends for, right?


fukc this year.

it’s hard to be grateful…it fukcin’ takes EFFORT for me to be grateful – too much BULLSHIT…too much POLITICS…too much shadiness…too many people out there that smile in your face but don’t really have your best interest at heart…too much of ALL THAT SHIT.

can you trust people in 2013?


(that’s a YES or NO question)



10 thoughts on ““2012”

  1. 2013 can be a good year if you choose it to be one.
    you already know this.

    circumstances do not have the last move in the chess game.
    mind over matter, and if muhammed cannot go to the mountain, the mountain will come to muhammed.

    inspiration is like taking a shower.
    you can’t only do it once and then never try again.
    inspire yourself daily like bathing.
    that is the key.

    • “2013 can be a good year if you choose it to be one.
      you already know this.”

      – word –

      yeah…i’m working on it…as disgruntled as i am with past, current, and future tragedies, i’ll try to remain optimistic…but ALWAYS realistic

  2. self-inspiration is vital.
    others will rarely know or care enough to inspire you as often as needed.

    two words:
    [zen koans]

    a few of those and a desert island could be the most pleasant place on earth.
    mind over matter.

    for example:

    Two traveling monks reached a river where they met a young woman. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. The younger monk hesitated, but the older monk quickly picked her up onto his shoulders, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other bank. She thanked him and departed.

    Later that evening, the monks continued on their way, the younger was brooding and preoccupied. Unable to hold his silence, he spoke out.

    “Master, our spiritual training teaches us to avoid any contact with women, but you picked that one up on your shoulders and carried her!”

    “My son,” the second monk replied,
    “I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her.”

    • “I set her down on the other side, while you are still carrying her.”

      i can dig that, but the master was kinda in violation, though. – if the rules are to avoid contact, then AVOID CONTACT – the master was basically just being a hypocrite.

      “self-inspiration is vital.
      others will rarely know or care enough to inspire you as often as needed.”

      THAT is an EXCELLENT point, though.

      • “…the master was basically just being a hypocrite.”

        the master has internalized and conquered that particular rule.
        he has no impure thoughts toward the woman and therefore experiences no guilt for his action.

        the young monk however, is consumed with guilt over something he didn’t even do.

        this story, to me, reminds me to shed off guilt or pain that i hang onto for no reason other than i think it’s the rules, whatever they are. gotta let that stuff go. leave it at the other side of the river.

        the master decides that an act of kindness trumps the rules every time.

  3. “the master decides that an act of kindness trumps the rules every time.”

    good point – THIN LINE between being a ‘save-a-ho’ and “kindness”…lol

  4. the koans can mean something new each time you read them.
    plus they’ve been around for hundreds of years.

    nothing soft about philosophy, that shit can break down anything or anyone…

  5. not trying to make this too personal, but the post was pretty personal to begin with.

    from a selfish point of view, i do not want fyle fotmatz to be at peace.
    because then what would happen to the music?
    fyle formatz music comes from across a gulf.
    it seems to come from a place with no comfort, no happiness.
    it is apocalypse music.

    and this is a world in apocalypse.
    it was a world without a soundtrack until ff.

    rock and roll just copied blues which was a language of slavery in the usa.
    punk tried hard to show the despair of people being turned in to wage slaves.
    hip hop showed anger and resentment.
    electronic music is the music of the computer brain itself.

    none of those others seem to be peeling off the edge between the human struggle against the machines.
    terminator should have featured tracks from fyle formatz.
    it is apocalypse in every way.
    it is the music of riot poilce, men dressed like turtles to crush freedom and humanity.
    ff music is the music of evil, horror, destruction.

    and i have listened to it more than anything else this year.
    fucking brilliant, mate.

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