took a hard hit; got all my shit (my main personal computer and accompanying gear) snatched in one swoop. on one hand, it could have been stolen by a random ass meth-head tweaker – – – on the other hand, it could have been taken by some group of professional inside-job type of thieves. either way, i lost a shit ton of hyperlinks, random notes to self, and ALL of my files…
sometimes i wonder what my computer rig is doing – did someone just toss it? did someone actually crack my password and gain access to my computer and the shit ton of stuff that i had on there? did they just reinstall windows on it without any regard to the shit that i had on there and just sell it for $40? is it sitting under someone’s bed somewhere? or is it sitting with a shit ton of other stolen goods, in an electronic graveyard?
some good actually came out of it, though.
i gained some time to actually step away from my shit. got some time for some other things to come through; got some time to sit back and just be QUIET.
but on the other hand, a SHIT TON of local artists got fkn LUCKY. i was JUST starting to find a stride, just starting to figure out how to mix. just starting to figure out how to get my tracks up to commercial loudness without sounding ridiculously distorted.
but in my life, i’ve always had to start the fuck OVER.
a lot of shit that i started, i’ve had to bail out on, for one reason or another. – but in this case, the decision was made for me…
i’ve been mum; mum about the social events, mum about political happenings, mum about race relations. lot’s of shit has happened in the recent years across all three terrains. but i wasn’t in the mood to comment.
because i had lost a e-child.
i’m glad, though…because when i come back; which i eventually will, the SOUND is going to be that much more sinister.
WHY do i have to endure so much pain, frustration, and disappointment? why do i have to get let down by people, and events time and time again?
is it SOLELY to rip the fuck out of tracks?
is it solely to create an IMMORTAL style?
is it solely to prove to my doubters that i am a GOD with a superpower of sharing my personal hell in a form and fashion that can never be replicated by another human for all past-present-and future humanity?
i don’t know.
but i do overstand that a LOT of shit happens for reasons. some things are within our control, other things are not. timing is everything. i was on a roll, but i don’t think the timing was right.
it’s not about FAME; it’s not about FORTUNE. it’s about ART – it’s about GENIUS; it’s about LEGACY.
but still, the TIMING of my losses and misfortunes intrigue me.
KARMA, FATE, TIMING, ACCEPTANCE, and CHANGE. clarity of mind, REAL self confidence, and patience. clear vision. responsibility.
i had to stop and look at all of that shit – before i resume bringing the sound of fury.
this year? dgaf. i appreciate it, but i’m ready to move the fuck on.
2018 is all about proving the haters wrong and doing it in a fashion that is cold and shrill.