2017 recap

took a hard hit; got all my shit (my main personal computer and accompanying gear) snatched in one swoop. on one hand, it could have been stolen by a random ass meth-head tweaker – – – on the other hand, it could have been taken by some group of professional inside-job type of thieves. either way, i lost a shit ton of hyperlinks, random notes to self, and ALL of my files…


sometimes i wonder what my computer rig is doing – did someone just toss it? did someone actually crack my password and gain access to my computer and the shit ton of stuff that i had on there? did they just reinstall windows on it without any regard to the shit that i had on there and just sell it for $40? is it sitting under someone’s bed somewhere? or is it sitting with a shit ton of other stolen goods, in an electronic graveyard?


some good actually came out of it, though.

i gained some time to actually step away from my shit. got some time for some other things to come through; got some time to sit back and just be QUIET.

but on the other hand, a SHIT TON of local artists got fkn LUCKY. i was JUST starting to find a stride, just starting to figure out how to mix. just starting to figure out how to get my tracks up to commercial loudness without sounding ridiculously distorted.

but in my life, i’ve always had to start the fuck OVER.

a lot of shit that i started, i’ve had to bail out on, for one reason or another. – but in this case, the decision was made for me…

i’ve been mum; mum about the social events, mum about political happenings, mum about race relations. lot’s of shit has happened in the recent years across all three terrains. but i wasn’t in the mood to comment.

because i had lost a e-child.

i’m glad, though…because when i come back; which i eventually will, the SOUND is going to be that much more sinister.

WHY do i have to endure so much pain, frustration, and disappointment? why do i have to get let down by people, and events time and time again?

is it SOLELY to rip the fuck out of tracks?

is it solely to create an IMMORTAL style?

is it solely to prove to my doubters that i am a GOD with a superpower of sharing my personal hell in a form and fashion that can never be replicated by another human for all past-present-and future humanity?

i don’t know.

but i do overstand that a LOT of shit happens for reasons. some things are within our control, other things are not. timing is everything. i was on a roll, but i don’t think the timing was right.

it’s not about FAME; it’s not about FORTUNE. it’s about ART – it’s about GENIUS; it’s about LEGACY.

but still, the TIMING of my losses and misfortunes intrigue me.

KARMA, FATE, TIMING, ACCEPTANCE, and CHANGE. clarity of mind, REAL self confidence, and patience. clear vision. responsibility.

i had to stop and look at all of that shit – before i resume bringing the sound of fury.


this year? dgaf. i appreciate it, but i’m ready to move the fuck on.

2018 is all about proving the haters wrong and doing it in a fashion that is cold and shrill.


other ‘minorities’

it’s probably about time that i put this out there…

it actually gets on my nerves when other minorities come out here and think that they are better than Black people…like – these same people – wouldn’t be here at ALL (generally speaking) if it wasn’t for Black people fighting for civil rights. these people wouldn’t be here at all either if it wasn’t for the COUNTLESS loss of Native American lives as well…but you know what? these people come over here and don’t do SHIT for Native Americans…they come over here and don’t do SHIT for the ‘Black’ communities that they move into.

somehow, someway, they are instantly able to set up BUSINESS after BUSINESS in the Black community; and thrive.

Black communities are just ‘free-market exploitation’ hubs…see; White communities? you can’t do this in…there will be MAYBE a storefront that is owned and operated by some Asians or MAYBE some Africans or Middle Easterners or whatever…but in Black communities? INNUMERABLE businesses owned by ‘foreigners’.

they come out here and look down on us – they ask, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?” “we just got here and we own multiple businesses AND real property, while you guys had nothing BEFORE we got here and still have nothing AFTER.” “and why do you guys keep getting arrested and getting in trouble at school? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE??”

what they fail to realize is that their ‘SUCCESS’ was given to them by White America; as in…White America didn’t have a foot in their ass for hundreds of years…White America didn’t use THINK TANKS to rig the game AGAINST the ‘foreigners’…White America didn’t put BRIGHT RED TARGETS on your backs and White America didn’t NEARLY discriminate against you TO THE SAME DEGREE as they did against Blacks.

when i see these people in their 3,000+ sq. ft. houses, with 2 or 3 luxury cars outside, ALL of their kids in college and / or working prestigious jobs, i don’t think, “OMG; THOSE PEOPLE ARE JUST SO SMART AND SO FABULOUS” – naw – i think, “lucky sumbitches, NO REAL HEAT ON YOUR ASSES and all of the heavy lifting was already done by the natives and the blacks; and ya’ll just stroll right in and open up shop like nothing ever happened –

MUST BE NICE to not have a fuckin’ target on your back everywhere you go everyday, isn’t it? next closest thing to White privilege; which you guys will never have – but you’re okay with that, because AT LEAST you’re not Black, right?

(disclaimer) just a minor observation – and i never said “ALL”

what if i never had a chance

you know, when i look back on my life, i never really had a chance.

i mean, ‘everyone’ has a CHANCE; but i mean, like; a REAL chance – like, when people actually CARE and INVEST in you, your potential, and your future.

the same way it takes a village to RAISE a child, it takes a village to let one down

there’s two types of chances:

1: you’re given a (BLACK) life – food: (wonder bread, kool-aid, top ramen, sunny delight, and a diet of canned food and happy meals), clothing: (barely any new school clothes / shoes at the beginning of every school year – if any at all), and shelter: (low-income housing in one of the worst parts of the city) – and that’s just the BEGINNING of a Black life…EVERYDAY before we even leave the house in the morning…

2: a ‘real’ chance

a REAL chance is obviously one where each of the listed items above are REVERSED (healthy food, conservative, practical clothing, STABLE housing that a youth can  be proud of (in a relatively SAFE area) – where someone actually takes the time to SHOW YOU how society works (taxes / property / ownership / assets and commodities / higher education), the pitfalls of life and how to avoid them, and helps you formulate a plan of action in which you can understand and GET OUT of the lowest rungs of American hell.

…none of this i was afforded to a practical (or even responsible) level by anybody at any time…never was afforded a REAL CHANCE. i had yet to discover that i was:


those two things are what i believe to be my downfall…those two things are what i believe to be MOST BLACK PEOPLE’S downfall.

and to be honest, those two things are one in the same – sidenotenone of my inherent or natural talents OR interests were IDENTIFIED or DEVELOPED by ANYONE. no adult – whether an employee of the city, state, etc; parent, family member, etc. EVER took the time to say, “HEY, you are really good at that!” or “I THINK YOU MIGHT BE REALLY GOOD AT THIS!” so i’m going to help you get on the track of developing and maximizing that ability that you have even MORE…i’m going to actually invest TIME and ENERGY into you…I NEVER HAD THAT.

most of my adolescence was spent with me being left to my own devices – lot’s of video games, lot’s of hanging around the coolest / toughest guys i could find, and lot’s of feeling a combination of LOST / UNCARING / HOPELESS / NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

and honestly? a kid the age that i was should NEVER be contemplating the negativity that i was contemplating at that age…i should have been contemplating positive stuff –  but when you are basically abandoned and left to do ‘whatever’, then you are UNDOUBTEDLY going to find trouble.

i was let down by the same people who were supposed to be my examples, my heroes, my caretakers and providers. and to tell you the ABSOLUTE truth – these people’s days are now numbered since they are hitting their 60’s now – and when their time is actually UP, i have no idea if OR how much i’m even going to REALLY care.

i sustained a lot of mega-damage over the years; probably shouldn’t be free OR alive right now…STILL dealing with what the cards that i was dealt turned me into…ALWAYS wondering what i could have been if this person wouldn’t have died or if that person would have gave a shit…wondering what would have happened if i never lived on this block or that block, wondering what would have become of me if ANYBODY actually believed in Black kids.


to whoever stole my shit


first of all, i just want you to know that you and whoever was hitting lockers with you is a true BITCH…you punk ass cowards steal shit from people that you don’t even know; you just hit random units that you scope out and it’s as easy as taking candy from a baby; isn’t it? i know that you guys just moved the cameras out of the line of sight of the areas that you motherfuckers were stealing from; you didn’t actually CUT the wires OR damage the cameras in any way, shape, or form…you just break in units by going through the ceilings and busting latches and whatever the fuck else you buster-ass bitches do to steal shit that ain’t yours…again; the definition of a TRUE bitch.

you stole a lot of WORK of mine, bitch…a LOT of files on my desktop computer; my backup hard-drive that i was supposed to send in to get repaired that had ALL KINDS OF TRACKS on it; – you motherfuckers know exactly who i am…you stole my football; my North Face shit, stole all my video shit; all my software, my DJ shit, my mics, my cables, ALL KINDS OF SHIT; and you know this.

but you wanna know something? when i first discovered that my shit got busted into, i knew right there that something bad was gonna happen to someone that was affiliated with you punk BITCHES that stole my shit – and something DID happen.


i was working on a LOT of shit, and when ya’ll stole my shit, that REALLY fucked with me; still does…

and yeah, i seen you BITCHES posting ads on CRAIGSLIST for one of my PIONEER items; real talk…and i came CLOSE to setting you up and handling that shit when i seen your motherfuckin’ ass in PERSON after i verified that the shit you was posting was MY SHIT.

you got real fuckin’ lucky that the stars didn’t align, because if they would have, you probably wouldn’t be reading this shit right now.

you motherfuckers know who i am, you know my real name, my alias, addresses, other little shit i’m into – you motherfuckers stole my drill, ETC.

you motherfuckers ALSO trashed my unit in the process of stealing my shit.

i’m just gonna put it like this

it’s a small world dogg; and certain shit happens at certain times for certain reasons

so just know this

ONE OF THESE DAYS, i’m gonna catch wind on who hit my unit…i’m gonna get a name and a face – i might even bet extra lucky and get other juicy details about you

and you know what? i’m such a nice guy, but the shit is gonna go one of two ways when this shit comes full circle.

but you’re a smart guy; tough guy, right? sneaking into people’s shit while nobody is around? with probably even some help from some other buster that actually works for that lousy-ass company…

like i said, you already got lucky when you stole my shit and even had the nerve to come back for seconds; then you had even more nerve to post one of my things online…that’s already two strikes for you, bro…watch out for that 3rd – – – – – – – – – – –

coldest part is; you sold that shit or traded it or WHATEVER THE FUKC you did with it (PAWNED IT) to motherfuckers that are equally as much of a straight BITCH as you.

so fuck you and any of your punk ass friends that pull bitch-ass pussy storage ‘licks’

i’m not hard to find, dog – but you can keep running and hiding just like the little bitch you are

BUT YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER DOGG; i promise you that

and if you know ANYTHING about this game; payback and karma is a STRAIGHT BITCH

BLACK, BLUE, ALL… – no lives matter


yeah; i said it.

BLACK LIVES don’t matter because; let’s face it – they never mattered in this country (U.S.A. was founded on Black live and Brown lives NOT mattering; i.e. Black slavery & Brown Native American genocide). NOT TO MENTION the countless number of ‘REAL NIGGAZ’ that already have, will, want to, plan to OR glorify the murdering of another Black person in this country.

BLUE LIVES don’t matter because – LET’S BE REAL – can the average person in society even name 3 police officers who have lost their lives in the line of duty? PROBABLY NOT.

ALL LIVES don’t matter because – IF THEY DID –  then why in the FUKC are there so many homeless people on the streets? (ESPECIALLY IN SEATTLE 2.0) why in the FUKC would there be so many violent crimes? why in the FUKC would so many HATE GROUPS exist? and IF ‘all lives matter’ then why would there be such a wealth gap in society?

‘all lives matter’ is just hyperbole from wannabe politically-correct / fantasy-land-thinking idiots who want others to believe that society is TRULY looking out for people’s best interests.

if you know anyone that believes that ALL LIVES MATTER; RUN – fast…the opposite direction – – – because i’m here to say that NO LIVES MATTER.

think about it

people pass away and WHAT – cats write like a 3 or 4 paragraph summary of your life in an obituary? it’s OFFENSIVE and lame.

NO LIVES MATTER – not yours, not mine – DEAL WITH IT – and happy fukcin’ holidays

i’ve had a f’d up year*


if i were to define that word as per dictionary definition, it would look something like this:

“regrets, reflections, memories, WHAT IFS; balanced by the sheer genius of realizing that you are a living, breathing, spiritual, being with unlimited potential – an entity amongst many other beautiful entities – willfully purposed and placed here on the planet we formally call EARTH – to achieve great things – to experience LOVE, HATE, REMORSE, PAIN, PLEASURE, and everything in between. an entity that will at times be the VICTIM – and at other times be the CULPRIT – an entity that will learn, and possibly go down in history as more than just someone who came and went without much notice.

LIFE – not just something that you HAVE, but that you ARE.

BUT – we live in an era of mass FEAR, CONFUSION, HYPOCRISY, greed, insecurity and DISTRACTION. and we live in a climate of wanton IGNORANCE and systematic oppression for certain groups of people (among other things).

i sum it up as yin and yang; necessary evils that we have to endure in order to appreciate the blessings – i digress –

i have a story:

i have a lot of hate in my heart, a lot of disdain for the system that influenced where i am in my life right now, a lot of people have let me down – a lot of people who probably should have been there for me weren’t; OR – the people who actually WERE there were there in a diminished, and / or compromised fashion …but i have a lot of love in my heart, too…because i probably shouldn’t even be alive right now…so it’s a STALEMATE.

so in all of the shit that i have been through in my life, the many LET DOWNS, the disappointments, the abandonment, the lies, the MISINFORMATION – i’m still here…

and it’s not about still being here JUST TO BE HERE; but to IMPROVE; another chance…another day – more TIME; more LESSONS. i swear this whole shit is about lessons and chances

…i see a BALANCE in life – i see balance in PHASES – i see the pros and cons…but in between the pros and the cons; all we are left with are QUESTIONS…unanswered questions…of the philosophical taste.

questions are the gray area in life…the concerns that never get addressed; the WHY’s; wondering what’s next – but we continue to forge along each day – – – blindly; even though we like to tell ourselves that we know what the immediate future (the next 24 hours) holds.


i have a LOT of questions; but i also have a lot of faith and trust –


even though i took a pretty significant loss this year – which has dramatically altered my creativity output – i have no choice but to look at it as another TEST.

another challenge – another phase of adversity to get through and learn from.

BUT – this loss has really pissed me off more than any other in my LIFE.

i still have faith thought that the shit happened for a reason; and ONE OF THESE DAYS, i’m gonna find out who did the shit – and possibly the whole event will make sense.

karma has a funny way of straightening certain types of shit out certain types of ways.

and i know this because i’ve been on the other side of it.

but outside of that, i’m gonna get it back together now – since all that Macklemore hype has basically calmed way the fukc down now; so i can finally fukcing concentrate without all the bullshit-ass “white noise” (noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities.) …if you catch my drift…


a LOT has happened since i last posted.

a LOT of racist shit.

so much has happened that it’s not even worth mentioning; because people already know what’s going on out there nationally.

LOCALLY there’s a lot of bullshit happening to.

PERSONALLY i’m going through some shit.

HIP-HOP is STILL going through some shit.

Black people can’t figure out OR agree on OR decide what direction they want to travel in – in UNISON.

and all the while while Black people are getting shot by police, shot by each other, locked away in prison, aborted, and displaced, EVERYBODY ELSE seems to be doing great.

– – –


Seattle isn’t fukcing DIVERSE.


Seattle IS “diverse”  – – – MINUS BLACK PEOPLE.


the truth of the matter is

that NOBODY really wants Black people around.

they don’t want us in ANY neighborhood

they don’t want us in ANY business establishment

they don’t want us in ANY school or institution – BESIDES jail.

they don’t even want us in HIP-HOP anymore.

that’s right.

we are living in the age where a Black Hip-Hop artist IS the ‘odd man out’

nobody wants to REALLY hear what a Black person has to say – even in his own genre.

everybody wants to hear what the WHITE KID has to say, using a Black man’s microphone.

White kids in Hip-Hop really isn’t Hip-Hop DIVERSIFYING…just like moving Black people OUT of Seattle and moving other minorities IN (in our place) isn’t diversifying.

what you have these days is some sort of RE-ORGANIZING.

where White people STILL remain at the top; and everybody else gets SHUFFLED AROUND.

too many Black people are out here OBLIVIOUS to the SHAKE DOWN / SWITCH UP that is taking place these days.

…they are too worried about COON topics (UP TO AND INCLUDING)

  2. GANGS

so a lot of Black people really aren’t even in the race (PUN INTENDED)


we aren’t even on the same page as to WHAT we are fighting for.

all the lines are blurred. there is a lot of confusion.

people are out there acting like class-ism is the new racism; like homophobia is the new racism.

there’s just a lot going on these days…



NOTHING, really.

because at the end of the day, all these emcess are REALLY looking to do is BETTER THEIR OWN CIRCUMSTANCE while only BRIEFLY mentioning the ills of society…LOCAL RAPPERS INCLUDED.

their focus is probably like: 85% themselves 15% actually STANDING FOR SOMETHING.

people in the US and even internationally are acting like WHITE RAPPERS are the CHOSEN ONES with a MESSAGE FORM GOD TO ENLIGHTEN HUMANITY.

at least judging by the UNGODLY AMOUNT OF ‘VIEWS’ that they get – that’s what it seems like.

i’m just wondering AT WHAT POINT did White rappers become GOD-LIKE emcees?

at what point did they just captivate the worlds attention; seemingly running CIRCLES around Black rappers?

honestly – – – at NO POINT.

there’s just been a systematic PUSH to get rid of Black people in a certain context – – – a PUSH to marginalize us even further…a PUSH for us to even prefer to date INTER-RACIALLLY instead of within our race; thus ‘watering us down’….a PUSH for us to adopt the homosexual lifestyle…thus slowing down our population count over time.

these days, if you even STAND UP FOR Black people, they call you a RACIST.

if you stand up for NOBODY but YOURSELF; they call you an entrepreneur.

if you stand up for EVERYBODY, they call you a HERO – – – because they know that your focus is DIVIDED and your PLATE IS TOO FULL.

it’s just a strange time to be living…a time where society doesn’t makes sense, and people’s priorities are vanity-based OR unfocused; scattered about many different ‘movements’ prioritizing NONE.

and then we die and then everything we stood for is just forgotten and swept under the rug.

i’m still trying to figure out the point of life and why certain races have seem to have gotten away with injustice and genocide…but as much as i meditate on those questions, i have yet to receive an answer.

until next post…

can’t say that ya’ll ain’t been warned…but niggaz don’t listen…

Mac Dre – Pawns in the game (1992)

I did 5 years in the pen the whole time I was in
I stayed soaking up game and steady pushing my pen
I read about shit I never knew existed
Before I went to jail I had the whole thing twisted
But now I know and I’m finna expose
What really goes on behind closed doors
Them devils got a plot that’ll shock the nation
To control black power and population
Snake mother****as been running the game
That all started off with crack cocaine
They flooded neighborhoods where the black folks dwell
And got everybody using and trying to sell
When drug dealing increased then the killings increased
Then more young black brothers came up deceased
Senseless violence invaded the streets
They had us killing each other but we couldn’t peep
We was pawns in the game that the fools created
And this is what they did to keep things shaded
In 1985 they launched the War on Drugs
Claiming to get rid of all the killers and thugs
But this was Phase 2 of a fat plan
To control the population of the black man
Even back then, it didn’t seem right
When them racist police got the green light
In Chicago, Miami, Atlanta GA
Little Rock, Louisville and the OAK
New York, Minnesota, and all them places
Young brothers got stuck with dope cases
To the public they looked like heroes
While young brothers looked like zeroes
They took black men from black ladies
Cuz with less black men
There’s less black babies ain’t it shady?
It gets way deep
Phase 3 is the plan to keep us off the streets
They stuck us in jail and said now that we got y’all
Let us introduce you to this crack law
Now everybody know where the crack is
In them ghetto neighborhoods where the blacks live
Crack is coke cooked with baking soda
But no matter how you cook it, it’s still yola
But the courts got laws that punish folks
A 100 more times than powdered coke
You ask why? Well I’m goin’ tell it
They charge more for crack
Cuz black folks sell it
Is it justice or is it just us?
And them devil mother****ers against us
Our future lawyers and presidents
Got cold prison cells for residence
And them young black souljas with brave hearts?
Is filling up the jails and the grave yards
And the black queen? She also losing
Because she turn to theft and prostitute
To support a habit that’s part of a plan
To regulate the status of the black man
Will it change or will we all remain
Some mother****ing pawns in this game?